Sunday, January 16, 2011

10 Reasons Why Christianity is Creepy

1. A "loving" father punishes his only good child

2. Christians are expected to partake in ritualistic metaphorical cannibalism

3. Christ's mother was an underage girl who was molested by "God"

4. Jesus' genealogy traces through his step-father. Hello? Either the Bible lied about the virgin conception by God, or it lies about Jesus' genealogy. Either way, the Bible lies.

5. Jesus was a zombie for a few days, said he would return, then didn't. Jesus lies.

6. God only loves us when we tell him we love him. That's called narcissism!

7. God changed his mind several times about marriage, depending on what suited the men of the time best. Polygamy? Little girls? Rich widows? Whatever...

8. Christ didn't say anything about slavery being wrong. In fact, he seems to have supported it.

9. The Bible was assembled by a committee, which seems a little suspect.

10. Your reward for a lifetime of leading a boring life is spending eternity in Heaven, which is even more unimaginably boring.

6 comments:

ex-minister1 said...

God tells us he loves us only when we tell him we love him. ROTFLOL. Good one.

Heaven boring? You mean you wouldn't want to stroke God fragile ego for ever? Holy, Holy, Holy is Jehovah. Can't find it right now but I think it is in either Revelation or Ezekiel where angels mindlessly, endlessly keep praising God for eternity repeating the phrase over and over. I remember being creeped out when I read it.

L.Long said...

Yes it would be BORING!!!
My idea of 'heaven' is to ..
'Sing with the drunken angels on the merry side of HELL!'

Charles said...


10. Your reward for a lifetime of leading a boring life is spending eternity in Heaven, which is even more unimaginably boring.

Boring, perhaps. But think of the cool stories you get to hear:

Won't hearing Moses tell the story of crossing the desert with the Israelites, or Noah's description of the Flood, or even having Jesus preach a sermon at your dinner party, lose its novelty after the last few hundred billion times?

(From yet another excellent essay by Ebon.)

scum said...

You're reasons are unfounded.

1. God didn't punish Christ. Just because Christ suffered, it doesn't mean he was punished. When you train in the Marines, you suffer but you're not punished.

2. There's no cannibalism in Christianity.

3. Christ mother wasn't molested. Where in the bible is that?

4. Jesus genealogy refers to his earthly body.

5. Jesus returned. He didn't lie. You just have to reread your bible.

6. Nope. You're mistaken. Remember God loved man before we loved him.

7. God does change mind. God knows how to adapt? How about you?

8. He did.

9. There's nothing wrong with a committee or a group of people

10. How can it be boring if you can't even imagine it.

B.R. said...

@scum;

1) She makes sense, though. Why this ridiculous charade that only wound up saving a tiny portion of humanity?

2) That's why she said "metaphorical" cannibalism. Read the OP.

3) She was a teenage girl, and the bible says that the Holy Spirit "came upon her" and made her pregnant. Creepy stuff.

4) Um, so Jesus had two fathers? Methinks you should proof read your comments before posting.

5) Matthew 24;34. Pwned.

6) Which is why he cursed all of us for the mistakes of Adam and Eve, instead of just letting their sin be on their heads.

7) One of Christianity's most basic claims is that god never changes. You just refuted your own religion. QED.

8) Where? What chapter and verse? I remember Jesus explicitly telling slaves to obey their masters.

9) They just edited out entire books, scum. The Synoptic gospels are no better than the Gnostic gospels, and probably closer to whatever the historical Jesus actually taught.

10) Because the bible says that we will worship god every minute of every day for all eternity. This is the "higher purpose" we were created for; to stroke the ego of a supposedly perfect being forever. Yech!

Belinda Young said...

Most people say they believe in God and say they are so-called Christians so all their sins will be forgiven, i.e., they do not have to take responsibility for any of thier actions. After living in the Coachella Valley and experiencing the Christian lifestyle you will definitely come out an aethiest (sp?). I think there was a man named Jesus who wanted people to be honest and giving and healthy and not conjurors of false hopes. Christians should be ashamed of making a mockery of a decent man and person who believed in goodness.